Men Behaving Badly

by Judith Rosenbaum

Stewart Ain’s article, “From Boils to Baldness” (April 18) not only reports on the recently issued Haggadah for a “men’s seder” but also reflects the problem that underlies this new project. Describing a “modern-day Exodus — men fleeing [liberal Judaism’s] synagogues,” Ain reinforces the alarmist claims that Judaism has been “feminized.”
As a historian, I find this claim maddeningly familiar. A similar call for alarm has been heard in every generation since the 19th century.
What bothers me even more than the historical ignorance of these claims is their underlying misogyny, which this article fails to address. If men are “alienated” from Jewish life by the increasing presence and participation of women, it is due to a lingering sexism that devalues anything in which women

are involved. Furthermore, any conversation about the lack of participation of men in the Jewish community must also acknowledge another serious gender dynamic — the pervasive glass ceiling that keeps women underrepresented in the top positions in Jewish communal institutions.
As a feminist who believes in the power of ritual, I support the development of opportunities for men to explore their spirituality and their needs within Judaism. “The Men’s Seder,” however, feels derivative. An authentic and resonant men’s ritual will require more creativity than a simple adaptation of the model women have innovated, a more thoughtful response than “flexing its biceps in defiance,” and deeper questions than the offensive lament “Why is it that no matter how old I get, I don’t understand women?”
Clearly, there is still work to be done to figure out what meaningful men-centered rituals look like. Some of the energy put into raising the alarm about the “boy crisis” might be better spent exploring just what it means for men to find their place in Jewish life.

Director of Education
Jewish Women’s Archive
Brookline, Mass.

Westchester Jewish Conference

Westchester’s Jewish Community Relations Organization