The Matchup: Bipartisan Love?

by Alan Zeitlin
Special To The Jewish Week

I knew the young woman might be interested in me when she asked me to take off my mask. It was a Purim party and I was the only one dressed as John McCain. She smiled, complimented my hair and then asked that fateful question.

“You’re not really voting for him, are you?”

I had three words for her.

“What’s the difference?”

She turned and walked away without a word.
A week later, I was at a party and in the middle of a great conversation with a fascinating brunette. Then she asked who I’d vote for. I had the same three words.

“What’s the difference?”

She began to shout at me that I

was jumping on the Obama bandwagon. I was just like everyone else, she said. Then she was gone.
I couldn’t win. And I was surprised at how a political affiliation could be a deal-breaker. In fact, a JDate survey found that 25 percent of responders said they’d never date or marry someone of the opposing political party.

Matchmaker Elsa Malinsky (www.beshert.com) said she had several cases where the man and woman seemed compatible but someone refused to be set up with a liberal or a conservative.
“Politics shouldn’t be a reason not to go out with someone, but some people do care,” Malinsky said. “People are already narrowing the field to marry someone Jewish so why narrow it down even more to eliminate someone just because of who they might vote for?”

But Ben Nathan, a 24-year-old filmmaker and musician on the Upper East Side, said politics should matter when dating. Nathan, who created a short video in support of Barack Obama, said he was elated by the election and not surprised it has become an issue with daters.
“I think this is the first time in a while where it was such an issue,” Nathan said. “Obama’s charisma brought out passions in people on both sides, and naturally it’s brought up when people go out. If you’re going to be intimate with someone, you want them to share your core beliefs. If I was on a date with a girl who loved the Bush agenda, that would ruin it for me.”

As for politically mixed couples, there’s Arnold Schwarzenegger (right) and Maria Shriver (left). There’s James Carville (left) and Mary Matalin (right). But Miriam Major may be the only woman in history to wear a shirt reading “I Married a Republican,” at her wedding, while her husband wore a shirt that read “I married a Democrat.” Major’s in-laws even brought life-size cardboard cut-outs of Nancy and Ronald Reagan. The 29-year-old from the Lower-East Side said politics came up on her second date. When she told her suitor she was a Democrat, he told her there was time to change her mind. She stayed a Democrat.
“I used to think Republicans were crazy,” she said. “Now, I listen and I can see some of their points. In a relationship there’s a give and take. My husband asked me to read McCain’s autobiography. I tried, but it was too boring.”

But the effort is important, according to dating consultant Adele Testanti, who encourages such open-mindedness. Partners shouldn’t try to change the other person’s political view and should watch their partner’s favorite programming, whether it’s a Michael Moore movie or “The O’ Reilly Factor.”
Keeping an open mind is also important when dating, said Samantha Feingold, a 23-year-old Fordham Law School student. Though she rooted for McCain, she said she dated a few Obama fans. She said she’d get a strange look when she said Bush was the best friend of the Jews.

“People have strong feelings and while it’s easier if they have similar views, the main thing is that you can be tolerant and understanding,” she said. “At the beginning you try not to mention it, but if politics come up, you have to be honest.”

Eric Trager had no problems telling his date at Harvard that he was a staunch Republican. The 25-year-old said he figured he would end up marrying a Democrat because of the numbers. The two agreed to disagree and were married). Trager volunteered for Sarah Palin and McCain and is also a blogger for CommentaryMagazine.com. On Election Night, his wife was thrilled and wanted to go out and party. He refused and they stayed on the couch. Trager, who studied for a year in Egypt, has lived in Queens and is now getting his Ph.D. in political science at the University of Pennsylvania, said he’s used to feeling like a minority.

“I don’t know what’s tougher ... being a Jew in Cairo, a Mets fan in Philly or a Republican in New York,” Trager said.

Suzanne Elovic, a Republican, was excited to get set up with someone she thought might be a good match. But the 41-year-old couldn’t believe he wouldn’t go out with her for one reason.
“He Googled me and somehow found out that I had given money to the Giuliani campaign.” n
Alan Zeitlin is a freelance writer who teaches high school English and journalism.

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