Purim '08: Rabbis Announce Choice For President

by Jewish Week Staff

New York — A group of rabbinic scholars said today that it was “foolish” to suggest not voting for Democrat Barack Obama because his middle name is Hussein.

“Such talk is silly and beneath contempt,” said the Rabbinical Committee for Political Wisdom.

Rather, they said, “one should not vote for him because the letters of his last name spell ‘a Moab,’ and we know from the Bible that the Moabites were the enemies of the Jewish people.”

Asked at a press conference if Democratic rival Hillary Clinton was a better choice, the rabbis asserted “No, we note that Sen. Clinton’s maiden name is Rodham, and ‘ham’ is anathema to practicing Jews.”

That leaves Republican Sen. John McCain, then, presumably, whose middle name is Sidney.

But the rabbis surprised their press conference. “Sidney is a nice Jewish name,” they said, “but in our wisdom we noted that the senator’s last name contains the name `Cain,’ the evil brother who committed the first murder in the Bible.

“So we have decided to endorse for president Abner Joseph Mikva,” the 82 year old former congressman from Illinois, “and encourage him to dive into the race.”

When notified of this decision, Mikva said, “I’m flattered,” adding: “I have always respected the wisdom of our sages – until now.”

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