Purim '08: Renewed Hope For Israeli Baseball

Happy Hurler: Young Ramallah Rumblers ace warming up during spring training; “he can bring it,” BBC scouts rave.

Happy Hurler: Young Ramallah Rumblers ace warming up during spring training; “he can bring it,” BBC scouts rave.

by Jewish Week Staff

Jerusalem — After the dismal failure of the Israeli Baseball League (IBL) last season, a new, far more exciting league is hoping to replace it this coming summer. Dubbed the “Peace League,” it will include a number of new teams, including the Hadera Haredis, the West Bank Settlers, the Tel Aviv Leftists and the Sderot Rockets. On the Palestinian side, there are the Gaza Tunnelers, the Bethlehem Bombers and the Kalkaliya Katyushas.

The Palestinians are insisting on several rule changes, which they call “minor adjustments to level the playing field,” such as: playing each game with the Israeli players having one hand tied behind their backs; allowing each Palestinian infielder, in addition to the pitcher, to throw at the Israeli batter at the same time;

and for Palestinians who steal a base to be allowed to keep it and take it home, along with all of the Israeli teams’ bats and other equipment.

Also, Palestinian players running from third base to home plate would be permitted to tunnel under the foul line to avoid being tagged out.

Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert, who noted that he was a great believer in “good sportsmanship and fair play” and particularly enjoyed baseball – “I try to go to all the matches” — said he has reviewed the proposals and they seem “quite reasonable.” In addition, he offered to give right field to the Palestinians permanently.

An Orthodox group had petitioned the league to have Israeli sacrifice flies and bunts be taken directly to the Western Wall for future Temple rituals performed by the High Priest, in compliance with the Bible. But the league directors said they were unfamiliar with that rulebook.

In order to make the league more competitive, Baseball Commissioner Ron D. Baysis announced that steroid use would be required for all players and that they would be tested randomly throughout the season to ensure they were complying with the rules.

“We don’t believe the American reports about the dangers of steroids,” the commissioner said, “just like we don’t believe their NIE report about Iran not trying to build a bomb.”

He also said players would be required to chew (and spit) tobacco during games and grab their crotches when they step into the batter’s box and between each pitch.

Fans are eager to see two Palestinian phenoms. One is a 12-year-old pitcher for the Ramallah Rumblers who can throw at over 100 miles per hour, having practiced in the intifada. “So far he’s only thrown rocks,” noted his coach.

Another highly touted Palestinian rookie is said to specialize in the suicide squeeze play.

The league will be funded by Palestinian tax dollars held by Israel.

Westchester Jewish Conference

Westchester’s Jewish Community Relations Organization

Jerusalem Hotels

Jewish Singles Snowbird Travel Club

Have fun socializing - Meet other snowbirds