Editor’s Note: Studying Jewish texts has been a vital part of Jewish life for many centuries. This Jewish Week series is presented with Kolot, a pluralistic Beit Midrash program in Israel (www.kolot.info/english/home). We encourage readers to study, reflect on and share ideas. Please respond to the questions posed below and send to jewishtexts@gmail.com. In future columns we will include a summary and sampling of the views we receive. This is the last column dealing with the decree: “honor thy father and thy mother.”
What does the parental connection really mean? Last week we read a passage from Talmud Kiddushin 31b, in which extreme examples of honoring one’s parents were given: Rabbi Tarfon had an aged mother. Whenever she wished to
go up to her couch he would bend down to let her go up [by stepping on him]. And when she wished to go down she did so [by stepping on him]. When he went and boasted about it in the house of study, they said to him: “You still have not reached half the honor due to a mother. Has she ever tossed a purse of gold coins into the sea in front of you, and you did not put her to shame?” When Rabbi Yosef heard the sound of his mother’s footsteps he would say, “I must rise before God’s divine presence, which is approaching.” At the end of this list of demanding examples, the sages bring a story of two sages who never met their own parents, accompanied by a shocking dictum: it is best not to meet your parents, because it is virtually impossible to honor them according to the Torah’s decree: Rabbi Yochanan said: “Happy is he who has never seen his parents.” The sages explained: as soon as [Rabbi Yochanan’s] mother conceived him his father died, and right after he was born, his mother died. And Abaye was the same. Is this really so?! [asks the Talmud about Abaye] For we have plenty of examples of Abaye’s opening quotations with the words: “mother told me…” Indeed, [explains the Talmud] – he is referring to the woman who raised him [and not his real mother, who died].
This week we look into the way the Talmud opens up the concept of parenting, and allows for the “parental” relationship to be a bit wider than a mere biological connection. Sometimes we can say of one person that it is “as though he (or she) had begotten” another. We read the following passage from Sanhedrin, 19b: It is written: “And the five sons of Michal the daughter of Saul…” (Samuel II: 21:8) — Was it Michal who bore them? Surely it was rather Merav who bore them. Merav bore and Michal raised them; therefore they were called by her name. This teaches that whoever brings up an orphan in his home, Scripture ascribes it to him as though he had begotten him. Rabbi Hanina says this is derived from the following: “And her women neighbors gave the baby a name, saying, ‘There is a son born to Naomi.’”(Ruth 4:17) Was it then Naomi who bore him? Surely it was Ruth who bore him. But Ruth bore and Naomi raised him; hence he was called after Naomi’s name…. Rabbi Eleazar says: It is inferred from the following: “Thou hast with thine arm redeemed thy people, the sons of Jacob and Joseph” (Psachim 77:16). Did then Joseph beget them; surely it was rather Jacob? But Jacob begot and Joseph sustained them; therefore they are called by his name. Rabbi Samuel ben Nahmani said in Rabbi Jonathan’s name: “He who teaches the Torah to the son of his neighbor, Scripture ascribes it to him as if he had begotten him, as it says, ‘Now, these are the generations of Aaron and Moses’; (Num. 3:1) while further on it is written, ‘These are the names of the sons of Aaron’: thus teaching thee that Aaron begot and Moses taught them; hence they are called by his name. “ Questions: 1. At one point in this passage, the Talmud even goes so far as to ascribe the words “as though she begot him” to Bithia, the daughter of Pharaoh, in relation to Moses, because she was the one who raised him. Think about the variety of examples given here for the description: “as though he (or she) begot…” Do you agree with this dictum in each of the various cases? 2. According to this passage, what does it mean to be a parent? What does it mean to adopt someone? 3. What does this passage teach us about the relationship between adults and children within a community? Are we really willing to share with others what we feel to be our dearest and most private connection — our “ownership” of our children?
Please share your thoughts at jewishtexts@gmail.com Devora Busheri is a teacher of Jewish texts in leadership programs in Israel and has been a teacher at Kolot since it was founded.
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