Sex Ed, Orthodox-Style

Two area yeshivas pilot a curriculum that teaches the birds and the bees from a religious perspective.

by Randi Sherman
Staff Writer

Discussions of sex have long been so taboo in the Orthodox community that yeshiva day schools will skip over entire paragraphs or chapters in science books, often delaying education about reproduction until individuals are in marriage preparation classes.
A new curriculum, currently being piloted in grades four through seven in two New York area schools by Tzelem, a division of Yeshiva University’s Center for the Jewish Future, wants to bring the topic of sexuality out of the corner of people's minds, where it has sat like a punished child for years, and out into the open where it can be discussed in a safe, educational environment. The goal is to show that sexuality is a beautiful part of the human experience when expressed in accordance

with halacha.
While the Jewish Orthodox Feminist Alliance has recently begun an initiative to train premarital teachers to talk openly about sexual intimacy with future brides and grooms, the Life Values and Intimacy Education curriculum is aimed at students in grades three through 12 and covers the full spectrum of human relationships. With publication by Ktav Publishing set for the summer, the curriculum, currently being revised, includes lessons not only on sex education, but also on body image, communication, decision-making, eating disorders and sexual abuse, among other topics. All are taught at age-appropriate levels, incorporating Jewish law, Talmud and other religious teachings at the students’ level of understanding.
“The time has always been right [for this curriculum] but there’s been some reluctance to put pen to paper and put your name on this,” said Miki Wieder, who pioneered Life Values.
Wieder, a clinical psychologist at the Center for Marital and Sexual Health in Cleveland, first felt the need for the program in the late 1990s, when her children were attending the Fuchs Mizrachi School. As a founding parent at the day school, it became clear to Wieder that something was missing.
After an investigation into Orthodox-compliant sex education curricula left her empty-handed, Wieder spearheaded a committee to create one, incorporating Torah values into the Sex Education Information Caucus United States (SEICUS) guidelines. The original document was converted into lessons and first piloted at the school.
“As a clinician, I end up seeing people in my office who have problems because of a lack of information on these topics,” she said. “It’s better to get at it at a time when you can teach than at a time when it’s already been broken. ... If we make these topics taboo, we’re not doing the best we can for the mental and physical health of out children, our klal.”
The aim of the curriculum, a mission shared by Tzelem founders Jennie Rosenfeld and Koby Frances, is to bring “religiously sensitive information about sexuality” to a community with a “tremendous need” to discuss it, Rosenfeld said.
“Tzelem elohim [being created in God’s image] should guide all personal and interpersonal actions,” Rosenfeld said, noting that this is the guideline by which the curriculum runs. The curriculum brings together “sex education in a Jewish context and in a broader interpersonal context.”
Teachers from within the school are trained by curriculum authors Yocheved Dubow, academic principal at the Fuchs Mizrachi School, and Dr. Anna Woloski-Wruble, a doctor of education and nurse clinician in sexuality and intimacy at Hadassah Hospital. The two-day training session familiarizes educators with the curriculum and enables them to adapt the curriculum to their classes.
“Some teachers stick to the curriculum like the Bible,” Rosenfeld said. “Others make modifications.” Having their own teachers and not outside experts teaching the class enforces the idea that what students learn is a part of everyday life.
Some might ask why, if the community has existed without such a program for so long, it’s really necessary.
“Today’s child growing up in the Orthodox community receives lots of mixed messages,” she said. “There is a need for schools to be there to give the Jewish message. They can’t have the media message on one hand and silence on the other.” Using magazine ads, students discuss body image and media portrayals of sexuality and watch movies or create projects as entry points into more difficult topics.
Laws of modesty are discussed, as well as marriage, dealing with desires and differentiating among like, lust and love. In higher grades, more controversial issues are discussed. The lessons on contraception include an overview of available methods and how they work, and sexually transmitted diseases are taught in a medical and halachic context. Students are encouraged to consult rabbinic authorities as well. In the discussion of abortion, moral, halachic and emotional issues are raised, with the curriculum including Web site testimonials from women who have undergone the procedure and articles on abortion and Jewish law.
To date, teachers at the two New York area pilot schools, SAR Academy in Riverdale and Yeshivat Noam in Paramus, N.J., have not had to tackle such touchy subjects with their students. In both schools, prior to the pilot, which began two years ago, there was little to no programming on these topics.
According to Ali Bloom, a language arts enrichment teacher at SAR who also teaches the curriculum,so far the fifth grade girls have only been shown a video about menstruation. Rabbi Menachem Linzer, associate principal for Judaic studies at the school, who teaches the curriculum as well as eighth grade Gemara, boys were engaged in a discussion about puberty and a speaker was brought in, but it only lasted a few sessions. The students participating in the pilot, in grades six and seven, have responded overwhelmingly positively.
“They really enjoy their Life Values classes,” said Bloom. “It’s an opportunity for a slightly less structured learning environment, and these are issues that are important to their lives.” Rabbi Linzer added that when a Life Values class is canceled for any reason, students demand they be rescheduled.
One aspect of the curriculum praised by many sources is the question box. Students submit questions or comments with the option of signing their name and discussing the questions in private or as part of the next class. At SAR, weekly teachers meetings are an opportunity to discuss the questions that come up. A great way to find out what students are thinking or feeling, the question box has derived some impressive results.
“As students become more mature, they realize Torah has an opinion,” Bloom said. “They ask how do they become a mensch and not just 13 or 14.”
In Yeshivat Noam, fourth-grade girls, fifth-grade boys and girls, and sixth-grade boys are participating in the pilot, a total of 80 students. At Noam, like SAR, parents are involved every step of the way, given updates on what is being taught so they have an opening to extend the conversation from school to home. Rabbi Chaim Hagler, principal at Noam, teaches the curriculum along with the school’s psychologist and two assistant principals. He heard from one mother after the class discussions on reproduction were revived after school.
“She called and said ‘after an hour and a half of nascent conversation with our fifth-grade son, [my husband and I] looked at each other and said ‘Oh my gosh, now we have to talk about this with our two older daughters.’ They now had the tools to do that. The conversation that opens up between child and parents is more important.”
Rabbi Hagler also praised the question box. “Before the unit on reproduction, we asked kids to write down how babies are made,” he said. “It’s amazing to see the extent to which there are differences in what boys in the same grade think. ... One boy’s answer was you pray to God and he puts a baby in your stomach. Is that such a bad thing that that’s what he thinks? Well, we’d rather he learn the truth in class, not on the playground.”

Westchester Jewish Conference

Westchester’s Jewish Community Relations Organization