Hollywood – Israeli tanks continue to surround the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences here in a confrontation that began on Oscar Night after the acclaimed film “Footnote” was the latest Israeli offering to be denied an award for Best Foreign Film.
“To make things worse, they gave it to the fakakhta Iranians,” said Israeli President Shimon Peres during an appearance on The View in which he reportedly wooed both Whoopi Goldberg and Elizabeth Hasselbeck, ignoring Barbara Walters.
Gary Rosenblatt, the controversial Jewish Week editor both praised and condemned for his kiss-the-tzitzit-and-tell reporting, has apparently used unorthodox methods to discipline employees for poor grammar over an extended period of time, it has been learned.
Reportedly, in early 2005, he slapped a young journalist for dangling his participles, and later that year publicly humiliated another for splitting her gerunds.
Beit Shemesh, Israel –Security officials here are deeply concerned about an increase in the sales of Ex Lax chocolate laxative in the ultra-Orthodox neighborhood of Ramat Bet Shemesh, suspecting that the community is engaged in a secret program to develop a weapons-grade diaper for use against immodestly dressed women and their supporters.
Washington – President Obama and Israeli Prime Minister Netanyahu held a joint press conference today to announce that they will join in a major military offensive against nuclear sites in Iran on May 28, the day before pop star Madonna is scheduled to perform in Tel Aviv.
How I Met Your Mother – Sitcom filmed entirely on the steps of Cong. OZ on the Upper West Side after Sabbath services. Gentile crew.
House – Lovable, 75-year-old general practitioner insists on making house calls to his ailing patients and is expelled from the AMA, shunned by his fellow physicians and ends up attempting suicide by swallowing a bottle of placebos
The King's Peach – Achashverosh chooses Esther
The Social Not Work – Kollel guys join Facebook
Black Hat Swan – Yeshiva boy turns ballet dancer.
True Brit – Israel debates who is a Jew
Winter’s Shankbone – Pesach comes early
127 Hours – Shabbos ends late
The Kiddush Fighter – Congregant pushes
toward food table after services
The Kids Are All to the Right – Children
return from their gap year in Israel
Adam’s Family – The first couple is evicted from Eden
American Yidiot – Jews with a goyishe kup
The Book of Maimon – Rambam
Chrain – Tribute to the rock band Gefilte Phish
Minyan-Man: Turn Off the Lights –
Life of a synagogue shammes
The Merchant of Venison –
Kosher butcher expands his stock
Driving Miss Raizy – Jewish woman
and her limousine
Minyan Dollar Quartet – Four collectors
on the shul circuit
New York — Officials at JTS, Yeshiva University and HUC jointly announced today that they have granted rabbinical ordination — known in Hebrew as semicha — to Watson, the IBM computer that recently appeared on the television show “Jeopardy” and defeated two of the program’s smartest humans.
“This is definitely a first,” stated JTS president Arnie Iceman. “No other rabbinical school in America has ever ordained a computer. Now we’ve got Rabbi Watson.”
Jerusalem — Israel announced today that it has created a new cabinet level post, Minister of Hasbara, and that the new ministry will launch a major effort to capitalize on the worldwide publicity it received during the Turkish flotilla incident of May 2010.
Letz Sellit, former Israeli Trade Minister, announced that his new office had hired a Tel Aviv marketing firm to produce T-shirts, mugs, and other gift items with catchy slogans about the raid.