Purim Spoof

Israelis Storm Hollywood (Not In A Good Way)

03/06/2012

Hollywood – Israeli tanks continue to surround the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences here in a confrontation that began on Oscar Night after the acclaimed film “Footnote” was the latest Israeli offering to be denied an award for Best Foreign Film.

“To make things worse, they gave it to the fakakhta Iranians,” said Israeli President Shimon Peres during an appearance on The View in which he reportedly wooed both Whoopi Goldberg and Elizabeth Hasselbeck, ignoring Barbara Walters.

Tanks for the memory: Israeli soldiers remain encamped at scene of Oscars, demanding award for Best Foreign Film.

Has ‘Tough Love’ Editor Gone Too Far?

03/06/2012

Gary Rosenblatt, the controversial Jewish Week editor both praised and condemned for his kiss-the-tzitzit-and-tell reporting, has apparently used unorthodox methods to discipline employees for poor grammar over an extended period of time, it has been learned.

Reportedly, in early 2005, he slapped a young journalist for dangling his participles, and later that year publicly humiliated another for splitting her gerunds. 

Exhibit A: This AP Manual was one of several journalism reference books  Jewish Week editor Rosenblatt reportedly made writers

Haredi Community Feared Producing ‘Dirty’ Bombs

03/06/2012

Beit Shemesh, Israel –Security officials here are deeply concerned about an increase in the sales of Ex Lax chocolate laxative in the ultra-Orthodox neighborhood of Ramat Bet Shemesh, suspecting that the community is engaged in a secret program to develop a weapons-grade diaper for use against immodestly dressed women and their supporters.

Baby power: Diapers, like the one worn by this junior terrorist, are seen as a threat to non-haredim in Beit Shemesh.

U.S., Israel Announce Plans For Secret Attack On Iran

03/06/2012

Washington – President Obama and Israeli Prime Minister Netanyahu held a joint press conference today to announce that they will join in a major military offensive against nuclear sites in Iran on May 28, the day before pop star Madonna is scheduled to perform in Tel Aviv.

Announcing their engagement: Prime Minister Netanyahu and President Obama.

ON TV

Purim Spoof 2011

03/15/2011

How I Met Your Mother – Sitcom filmed entirely on the steps of Cong. OZ on the Upper West Side after Sabbath services. Gentile crew.
House – Lovable, 75-year-old general practitioner insists on making house calls to his ailing patients and is expelled from the AMA, shunned by his fellow physicians and ends up attempting suicide by swallowing a bottle of placebos

At The Movies

Purim Spoof 2011

03/15/2011

The King's Peach – Achashverosh chooses Esther
The Social Not Work – Kollel guys join Facebook
Black Hat Swan – Yeshiva boy turns ballet dancer.
True Brit – Israel debates who is a Jew
Winter’s Shankbone – Pesach comes early
127 Hours – Shabbos ends late
The Kiddush Fighter – Congregant pushes
toward food table after services
The Kids Are All to the Right – Children
return from their gap year in Israel

In The Theaters

Purim Spoof 2011

03/15/2011

Adam’s Family – The first couple is evicted from Eden
American Yidiot – Jews with a goyishe kup
The Book of Maimon – Rambam
gets published
Chrain – Tribute to the rock band Gefilte Phish
Minyan-Man: Turn Off the Lights –
Life of a synagogue shammes
The Merchant of Venison –
Kosher butcher expands his stock
Driving Miss Raizy – Jewish woman
and her limousine
Minyan Dollar Quartet – Four collectors
on the shul circuit

Grandmother Detained At Airport

Purim Spoof 2011

03/15/2011

 New York — An elderly Jewish grandmother was detained at La Guardia Airport yesterday morning before finally being allowed to board her flight to Cleveland.

Security officials grew suspicious when an X-ray machine showed the 86-year-old woman was wearing extra-large underpants as she passed through the screening area at the terminal.

Fearing a possible underwear bomber, alert officials whisked the frail woman to a private room nearby, where she was wanded and frisked.

‘Jeopardy’ Computer Ordained

Purim Spoof 2011

03/15/2011

New York — Officials at JTS, Yeshiva University and HUC jointly announced today that they have granted rabbinical ordination — known in Hebrew as semicha — to Watson, the IBM computer that recently appeared on the television show “Jeopardy” and defeated two of the program’s smartest humans.

“This is definitely a first,” stated JTS president Arnie Iceman. “No other rabbinical school in America has ever ordained a computer. Now we’ve got Rabbi Watson.”

Elementary, Rabbi Watson: Genius computer knows all of Talmud in 70 languages; no clue on how to solve Agunah problem.

Israel To Market Flotilla Souvenirs

Purim Spoof 2011

03/15/2011

Jerusalem — Israel announced today that it has created a new cabinet level post, Minister of Hasbara, and that the new ministry will launch a major effort to capitalize on the worldwide publicity it received during the Turkish flotilla incident of May 2010.

Letz Sellit, former Israeli Trade Minister, announced that his new office had hired a Tel Aviv marketing firm to produce T-shirts, mugs, and other gift items with catchy slogans about the raid.

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