Purim Spoof

Preschool Test Scandal Uncovered

03/07/2012

New York — A 3-year-old boy confessed this week to taking tests for at least two dozen other toddlers who were applying to competitive Jewish preschools in New York City and the Five Towns on Long Island.

The child, whose name is being withheld due to his status as a minor, was arrested leaving the 92nd Street Y in dark sunglasses and a “Kiddie Mensa” baseball hat pulled tightly over his head.

‘Half Shabbos’ Texting Trend Continuing

03/07/2012

Social workers and psychologists working with Orthodox teens say they see trends shifting from “half Shabbos” observance, based on compulsive texting on the Sabbath, to what they now refer to as “quarter Shabbos” practice. 

Mikvah Lady Marries Shul Candy Man

03/07/2012

Monsey, N.Y. — On Monday night, hundreds of well-wishers gathered at Simcha’s Simcha Hall in Monsey to celebrate the marriage of Anita Duncan, manager of the local mikvah (ritual bath), to Sammy Zees, a shul candy man.

Zees, who distributes sweet treats to children in his synagogue every Shabbat morning, said that marrying Duncan fulfilled a lifelong dream for him.

Women’s Ordeals Dominate Jewish Book Awards

03/07/2012

New York — The National Jewish Book Council today announced the winners of its awards for Best Fiction and Best Nonfiction. The nonfiction prize went to “Shmata Hari: The Spy Who Wore Rags, by Mae Meriva.” The scholarly work, published by Judaica Wine Press, was selected from over 60 nominees.

The 200-page tome details how an Israeli secret operative spied on Arab platoons during the Six-Day War in 1967, averting suspicion by dressing in old, torn clothing to make herself “look shlumpy.”

Purim Spoof 2012

Our annual, no-holds-barred, laugh-til-you-cry satire.

03/06/2012
Purim Spoof 2012

Sheitel Boutique Offers Modest Selection

03/06/2012

ABrooklyn woman has opened Shleppy Sheitels, a boutique that sells deliberately unattractive wigs in keeping with the original purpose of the mandate for women’s head coverings. 

"No pun intended," says proprietor Yetta Flutsky, "but we’re getting back to the roots -- the roots of the tradition for married Jewish women to wear a sheitel. And that's to walk modestly before the Almighty, and to avoid attracting the attention of men other than their husband."

Getting’ wiggy with it: Unappealing sheitels a hit. Who nu?

Joe Lieberman To Lead Libya

03/06/2012

Tripoli, Libya — Sen. Joseph I. Lieberman, now serving his final term in the United States Senate, has accepted an offer to serve as the new leader of Libya, the North African oil rich nation.  The surprise announcement ended months of curious speculation about his career plans after announcing last year that he would not seek re-election.

Worthy successor: Sen. Lieberman will become Strongman Lieberman after assuming role of Khaddafi-in-Chief of Libya.

Women To Strut Their Stuff In Beit Shemesh

03/06/2012

The Israeli town of Beit Shemesh will hold a SlutWalk later this month.

Inspired by the series of demonstrations that have proliferated in North America in the past year, in which scantily clad women take to the streets to protest sexual violence and a “blame the victim” mentality, the Beit Shemesh organizers plan to reveal their necks and ankles, and are even considering wearing skirts and dresses that are not black.

Controversial Charter School Set To Open

03/06/2012

Brooklyn—A new Jewish charter school plans to open here this September despite numerous community objections.

The school, formally known as The Nonsectarian, Egalitarian, All-Inclusive, Bipartisan, and Just a Little Bit Jewish Academy, has been nicknamed BJ, for Barely Jewish, and granted accreditation by the New York State Board of Regents.

Drunken Noah Arrested; Runs Ark Cruise Ship Aground

03/06/2012

A huge cruise ship carrying thousands of passengers, mostly animals with a handful of overworked human crew members, ran aground off the coast of Turkey late last week amidst heavy rains.  .

The ship’s captain, Noah Fonzierelli, was seen in a life boat — witnesses say he jumped in, he maintains he was pushed — about ten minutes after the ship began to take on water. 

Accident  of Biblical proportions:  Captain Noah off course.
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