Purim Spoof

Mayor Bloomberg Considering Next Job: Pope

Other surprise candidates in the running after Peres declines offer.

02/19/2013

New York – With his second term at Gracie Burns Mansion coming to an end this year, Mayor Bloomberg is thinking seriously about becoming the spiritual leader of more than a billion Catholics.

Pope Bloomy I? He could always buy the Vatican…

In This Issue:

03/07/2012

ISRAELIS SKEPTICAL ON OBAMA
‘He’s got our back, but what about our front?’

EXCLUSIVE: SANTORUM TO NAME SNL ‘CHURCH LADY’ AS RUNNING MATE
Dana Carvey character will focus on ‘naughty parts’ and ask:‘Isn’t that …SPECIAL?’

BEIT SHEMESH RABBIS PUBLISH ‘HALACHAS OF SPITTING’
800-page volume targets pre-teen ‘sluts’ on way to yeshiva.

A Message To Our Readers

03/07/2012

The Jewish Week is pleased to report that everything is perfect in the Jewish Community of New York, in the United States and Israel. All members of the Jewish people are getting along so well with each other and their non-Jewish neighbors, and conducting their public and personal lives as upstanding model citizens in such an outstanding manner that we have no additional news or insight to share. Try again next week.

Preschool Test Scandal Uncovered

03/07/2012

New York — A 3-year-old boy confessed this week to taking tests for at least two dozen other toddlers who were applying to competitive Jewish preschools in New York City and the Five Towns on Long Island.

The child, whose name is being withheld due to his status as a minor, was arrested leaving the 92nd Street Y in dark sunglasses and a “Kiddie Mensa” baseball hat pulled tightly over his head.

‘Half Shabbos’ Texting Trend Continuing

03/07/2012

Social workers and psychologists working with Orthodox teens say they see trends shifting from “half Shabbos” observance, based on compulsive texting on the Sabbath, to what they now refer to as “quarter Shabbos” practice. 

Mikvah Lady Marries Shul Candy Man

03/07/2012

Monsey, N.Y. — On Monday night, hundreds of well-wishers gathered at Simcha’s Simcha Hall in Monsey to celebrate the marriage of Anita Duncan, manager of the local mikvah (ritual bath), to Sammy Zees, a shul candy man.

Zees, who distributes sweet treats to children in his synagogue every Shabbat morning, said that marrying Duncan fulfilled a lifelong dream for him.

Women’s Ordeals Dominate Jewish Book Awards

03/07/2012

New York — The National Jewish Book Council today announced the winners of its awards for Best Fiction and Best Nonfiction. The nonfiction prize went to “Shmata Hari: The Spy Who Wore Rags, by Mae Meriva.” The scholarly work, published by Judaica Wine Press, was selected from over 60 nominees.

The 200-page tome details how an Israeli secret operative spied on Arab platoons during the Six-Day War in 1967, averting suspicion by dressing in old, torn clothing to make herself “look shlumpy.”

Purim Spoof 2012

Our annual, no-holds-barred, laugh-til-you-cry satire.

03/06/2012
Purim Spoof 2012

Sheitel Boutique Offers Modest Selection

03/06/2012

ABrooklyn woman has opened Shleppy Sheitels, a boutique that sells deliberately unattractive wigs in keeping with the original purpose of the mandate for women’s head coverings. 

"No pun intended," says proprietor Yetta Flutsky, "but we’re getting back to the roots -- the roots of the tradition for married Jewish women to wear a sheitel. And that's to walk modestly before the Almighty, and to avoid attracting the attention of men other than their husband."

Getting’ wiggy with it: Unappealing sheitels a hit. Who nu?

Joe Lieberman To Lead Libya

03/06/2012

Tripoli, Libya — Sen. Joseph I. Lieberman, now serving his final term in the United States Senate, has accepted an offer to serve as the new leader of Libya, the North African oil rich nation.  The surprise announcement ended months of curious speculation about his career plans after announcing last year that he would not seek re-election.

Worthy successor: Sen. Lieberman will become Strongman Lieberman after assuming role of Khaddafi-in-Chief of Libya.
Syndicate content