Purim Spoof

At The Movies

03/12/2014

The Wolf Of The Wall—A playboy hits on women at the Kotel
Crowded With A Chance of Meatballs—Congregants rush to the kiddush tables
Froyzen— Chasidic remake of “Frozen”
The Hondle Games—Jews bargain with store merchants
American Hassle--Israel refuses to recognize legitimacy of U.S. rabbis
Loin Survivor—Baby boy is circumcised
Her – How Orthodox congregants prefer to refer to brilliant, learned female clergy.
Dollars Buyers Club—Rabbis run money-laundering operation

THE BEATLES: THE JEWISH PERIOD

A collection of 17 never before released songs that clearly show the Beatles had been influenced by Jewish doctrine (and you wondered why two of Paul’s three wives were Jewish!) Enjoy the “Frum Four” as they play these soon-to-become classics:

03/12/2014

1) The Shul on the Hill
2) Hey Jew
3) This Bochur
4) I Saw Her Shuckling There
5) Six Days a Week
6) When I’m 120. 
7) All You Need is Lulav
8) Do You Want to Know a Secret? (No, It’s Lashon  Harah!)
9) Eleanor’s Rabbi
10) Shlep! (I Need Somebody)
11) I Want to Hold Your Hand (But You’re Shomer Negiyah)
12) It Won’t Be Long (The Mohel’s Song)
13) P.S. I Love OU
14) Strawberry Fields Forbidden

This album has been approved by Torah sages.

Israel’s Chief Rabbinate Seeks Arrest Of Rabbi Avi Wiseguy

03/12/2014

Jerusalem—The Chief Rabbinate of Israel, the supreme religious authority for Jews in Israel, announced this week that it would take disciplinary action against Rabbi Avi Wiseguy, due to certain “un-Orthodox” views that the Modern Orthodox rabbi holds.

‘Open Hillels’ Across Country Are Burglarized

03/12/2014

In the latest sign of increased crime sweeping college campuses, a string of Hillel Houses that have adopted an “Open Hillel” policy have been robbed.

Simchagate Scandal Rocks Fort Lee Synagogue

03/12/2014

Fort Lee, NJ – The president of a synagogue here was accused this week of sabotaging the congregation’s Simchat Torah celebration last September by purposely jamming the aisles and other dance areas so members could not move about easily while trying to participate in the festive holiday occasion.

Obama Hails End To Iran And Mideast Conflicts

‘Peace in our time,’ says president; Putin to play key role.

03/12/2014

Washington – President Obama, in a surprise appearance with Iranian President Hassan Woohani at his side, announced a resolution today to the longstanding conflict between the U.S. and Iran and said the world “can breathe a sigh of relief now that our differences have been solved.”

“I’m puttin’ my trust in Putin.” Getty Images

Purim Spoof 2014

YU Suspends Its Shtup-and-Frisk Policy; Reform Leader Resigns To Become Astronaut; Conservative Movement To Distribute Survival Kit; Abbas Announces Major Concession; Foxman, Hoenlein To Switch Jobs; Putin Sending Troops To Seize Alaska

03/11/2014
Purim Spoof March 2014

Women To Build Their Own Wall

02/28/2013

Fed up with conflict over how women can worship at the Western Wall, a group of Jewish feminists has begun reconstruction of the Eastern Wall, where they expect to be able to do as they please, thank you very much.

Former prime minister and ex-Jerusalem mayor Ehud Olmert paved the way for the unusual arrangement through a deal his lawyers admitted was a breach of trust but not illegal. Pink Floyd's Roger Waters will also help build the wall.

Israel Applies For U.S. Medicare

02/28/2013

JERUSALEM—The State of Israel, which will turn 65 years old on May 14, plans to apply for Medicare, the U.S. national social insurance program, according to Chaim Weizguy, head of Israel’s Health and Welfare Agency.

Weizguy announced that Israel wants to join Medicare in order to qualify for badly needed economic surgery that would then be paid for by the U.S. government.

President Endorses Gay Synagogues

02/28/2013

President Baruch O. Bauma, head of The White House Synagogue (commonly known as The White Shul) in downtown Washington, D.C., announced today that he was in favor of gays and lesbians in his congregation being granted the same rights currently enjoyed by all other members.

“The gays and lesbians have set forth their agenda: We’re here, we’re queer, we want an aliyah,” said Bauma, “and quite frankly, I agree with them.”

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