Purim Spoof

Women To Build Their Own Wall

02/28/2013

Fed up with conflict over how women can worship at the Western Wall, a group of Jewish feminists has begun reconstruction of the Eastern Wall, where they expect to be able to do as they please, thank you very much.

Former prime minister and ex-Jerusalem mayor Ehud Olmert paved the way for the unusual arrangement through a deal his lawyers admitted was a breach of trust but not illegal. Pink Floyd's Roger Waters will also help build the wall.

Israel Applies For U.S. Medicare

02/28/2013

JERUSALEM—The State of Israel, which will turn 65 years old on May 14, plans to apply for Medicare, the U.S. national social insurance program, according to Chaim Weizguy, head of Israel’s Health and Welfare Agency.

Weizguy announced that Israel wants to join Medicare in order to qualify for badly needed economic surgery that would then be paid for by the U.S. government.

President Endorses Gay Synagogues

02/28/2013

President Baruch O. Bauma, head of The White House Synagogue (commonly known as The White Shul) in downtown Washington, D.C., announced today that he was in favor of gays and lesbians in his congregation being granted the same rights currently enjoyed by all other members.

“The gays and lesbians have set forth their agenda: We’re here, we’re queer, we want an aliyah,” said Bauma, “and quite frankly, I agree with them.”

Brooklyn Named Holiest Jewish City

02/28/2013

BROOKLYN—For the first time in recent history, the borough of Brooklyn, New York, has surpassed Jerusalem, Israel, as “The Holiest Jewish City on Earth,” according to the World Jewish Federation.

Federation officials, who annually rank cities around the world for their degree of Jewish religious observance, explained that in the past year, Brooklyn initiated several practices that make it “indisputably the holiest land on the planet.”

Israel Applies For U.S. Medicare

02/21/2013

 

JERUSALEM—The State of Israel, which will turn 65 years old on May 14, plans to apply for Medicare, the U.S. national social insurance program, according to Chaim Weizguy, head of Israel’s Health and Welfare Agency.

Weizguy announced that Israel wants to join Medicare in order to qualify for badly needed economic surgery that would then be paid for by the U.S. government.

Women To Build Their Own Wall

02/21/2013

 

Fed up with conflict over how women can worship at the Western Wall, a group of Jewish feminists has begun reconstruction of the Eastern Wall, where they expect to be able to do as they please, thank you very much.

Purim Spoof 2013

Bloomberg: our pick for pontiff; Brooklyn, the holy city and a synagogue worker admits doping. All this fun and more in the Jewish Weak.

02/19/2013
Purim Spoof February 2013

Synagogue Worker Admits Doping

02/19/2013

BRONX—The gabbai, or sexton, of a synagogue in the Bronx admitted today in court that he provided steroids and other performance-enhancing drugs to shul members who were called to the Torah to perform hagbah--the lifting of the scroll.

The gabbai, Lanceman Armstrong, said that he had been supplying the drugs for the past five years.

Lanceman arms strong from lifting Torah.

Bloomberg Limits Seder Portions

Purim Spoof 2013

02/19/2013

NEW YORK—Following his recent ban on soda containers over 16 ounces, Mayor Michael Bloomberg has announced that he now intends to place similar limits on wine and matzo consumption at Passover seders.

“My cup runneth over,” variously attributed to Psalms, Mayor Bloomberg and Jayne Mansfield.

Jewish Backward Exposes ‘New’ Sex Scandal

02/19/2013

NEW YORK—On the heels of its recent expose of a sex scandal at Yeshiva University’s high school that allegedly took place more than 40 years ago, the Jewish Backward newspaper has now dug even further into the past to uncover an incident that dates back to Biblical times.

Jacob and Tamar: Old story comes to light.
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