Purim Spoof

Fed up with conflict over how women can worship at the Western Wall, a group of Jewish feminists has begun reconstruction of the Eastern Wall, where they expect to be able to do as they please, thank you very much.

Former prime minister and ex-Jerusalem mayor Ehud Olmert paved the way for the unusual arrangement through a deal his lawyers admitted was a breach of trust but not illegal. Pink Floyd's Roger Waters will also help build the wall.

JERUSALEM—The State of Israel, which will turn 65 years old on May 14, plans to apply for Medicare, the U.S. national social insurance program, according to Chaim Weizguy, head of Israel’s Health and Welfare Agency.

Weizguy announced that Israel wants to join Medicare in order to qualify for badly needed economic surgery that would then be paid for by the U.S. government.

President Baruch O. Bauma, head of The White House Synagogue (commonly known as The White Shul) in downtown Washington, D.C., announced today that he was in favor of gays and lesbians in his congregation being granted the same rights currently enjoyed by all other members.

“The gays and lesbians have set forth their agenda: We’re here, we’re queer, we want an aliyah,” said Bauma, “and quite frankly, I agree with them.”

BROOKLYN—For the first time in recent history, the borough of Brooklyn, New York, has surpassed Jerusalem, Israel, as “The Holiest Jewish City on Earth,” according to the World Jewish Federation.

Federation officials, who annually rank cities around the world for their degree of Jewish religious observance, explained that in the past year, Brooklyn initiated several practices that make it “indisputably the holiest land on the planet.”

BRONX—The gabbai, or sexton, of a synagogue in the Bronx admitted today in court that he provided steroids and other performance-enhancing drugs to shul members who were called to the Torah to perform hagbah--the lifting of the scroll.

The gabbai, Lanceman Armstrong, said that he had been supplying the drugs for the past five years.