Purim Spoof

President Endorses Gay Synagogues

02/21/2013

President Baruch O. Bauma, head of The White House Synagogue (commonly known as The White Shul) in downtown Washington, D.C., announced today that he was in favor of gays and lesbians in his congregation being granted the same rights currently enjoyed by all other members.

Brooklyn Named Holiest Jewish City

02/21/2013

BROOKLYN—For the first time in recent history, the borough of Brooklyn, New York, has surpassed Jerusalem, Israel, as “The Holiest Jewish City on Earth,” according to the World Jewish Federation.

In The Theaters

03/12/2014

The Bridges of Medicine Counter—Moishe Bridges opens a pharmacy
Kinky Booze—Rabbi waters down kiddush club drinks
The Gas Menagerie—Zoo animals eat chulent
Of Mice and Mendel—Jewish scientist conducts lab research
Allyiddin—A walking tour of Brooklyn
Chava and the Angry Mench--Jewish couple fights
A Raisin in the Mun—New recipe for
hamantashen
Mo’ Town the Musical--Rappers recount the story of Moses
Barley Over Broadway—Kosher soup kitchen opens in Times Square

At The Movies

03/12/2014

The Wolf Of The Wall—A playboy hits on women at the Kotel
Crowded With A Chance of Meatballs—Congregants rush to the kiddush tables
Froyzen— Chasidic remake of “Frozen”
The Hondle Games—Jews bargain with store merchants
American Hassle--Israel refuses to recognize legitimacy of U.S. rabbis
Loin Survivor—Baby boy is circumcised
Her – How Orthodox congregants prefer to refer to brilliant, learned female clergy.
Dollars Buyers Club—Rabbis run money-laundering operation

THE BEATLES: THE JEWISH PERIOD

A collection of 17 never before released songs that clearly show the Beatles had been influenced by Jewish doctrine (and you wondered why two of Paul’s three wives were Jewish!) Enjoy the “Frum Four” as they play these soon-to-become classics:

03/12/2014

1) The Shul on the Hill
2) Hey Jew
3) This Bochur
4) I Saw Her Shuckling There
5) Six Days a Week
6) When I’m 120. 
7) All You Need is Lulav
8) Do You Want to Know a Secret? (No, It’s Lashon  Harah!)
9) Eleanor’s Rabbi
10) Shlep! (I Need Somebody)
11) I Want to Hold Your Hand (But You’re Shomer Negiyah)
12) It Won’t Be Long (The Mohel’s Song)
13) P.S. I Love OU
14) Strawberry Fields Forbidden

This album has been approved by Torah sages.

Israel’s Chief Rabbinate Seeks Arrest Of Rabbi Avi Wiseguy

03/12/2014

Jerusalem—The Chief Rabbinate of Israel, the supreme religious authority for Jews in Israel, announced this week that it would take disciplinary action against Rabbi Avi Wiseguy, due to certain “un-Orthodox” views that the Modern Orthodox rabbi holds.

‘Open Hillels’ Across Country Are Burglarized

03/12/2014

In the latest sign of increased crime sweeping college campuses, a string of Hillel Houses that have adopted an “Open Hillel” policy have been robbed.

Simchagate Scandal Rocks Fort Lee Synagogue

03/12/2014

Fort Lee, NJ – The president of a synagogue here was accused this week of sabotaging the congregation’s Simchat Torah celebration last September by purposely jamming the aisles and other dance areas so members could not move about easily while trying to participate in the festive holiday occasion.

Obama Hails End To Iran And Mideast Conflicts

‘Peace in our time,’ says president; Putin to play key role.

03/12/2014

Washington – President Obama, in a surprise appearance with Iranian President Hassan Woohani at his side, announced a resolution today to the longstanding conflict between the U.S. and Iran and said the world “can breathe a sigh of relief now that our differences have been solved.”

“I’m puttin’ my trust in Putin.” Getty Images

Purim Spoof 2014

YU Suspends Its Shtup-and-Frisk Policy; Reform Leader Resigns To Become Astronaut; Conservative Movement To Distribute Survival Kit; Abbas Announces Major Concession; Foxman, Hoenlein To Switch Jobs; Putin Sending Troops To Seize Alaska

03/11/2014
Purim Spoof March 2014
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