The Jewish Week is pleased to report that everything is perfect in the Jewish Community of New York, in the United States and Israel. All members of the Jewish people are getting along so well with each other and their non-Jewish neighbors, and conducting their public and personal lives as upstanding model citizens in such an outstanding manner that we have no additional news or insight to share. Try again next week.
New York — A 3-year-old boy confessed this week to taking tests for at least two dozen other toddlers who were applying to competitive Jewish preschools in New York City and the Five Towns on Long Island.
The child, whose name is being withheld due to his status as a minor, was arrested leaving the 92nd Street Y in dark sunglasses and a “Kiddie Mensa” baseball hat pulled tightly over his head.
Social workers and psychologists working with Orthodox teens say they see trends shifting from “half Shabbos” observance, based on compulsive texting on the Sabbath, to what they now refer to as “quarter Shabbos” practice.
Monsey, N.Y. — On Monday night, hundreds of well-wishers gathered at Simcha’s Simcha Hall in Monsey to celebrate the marriage of Anita Duncan, manager of the local mikvah (ritual bath), to Sammy Zees, a shul candy man.
Zees, who distributes sweet treats to children in his synagogue every Shabbat morning, said that marrying Duncan fulfilled a lifelong dream for him.
New York — The National Jewish Book Council today announced the winners of its awards for Best Fiction and Best Nonfiction. The nonfiction prize went to “Shmata Hari: The Spy Who Wore Rags, by Mae Meriva.” The scholarly work, published by Judaica Wine Press, was selected from over 60 nominees.
The 200-page tome details how an Israeli secret operative spied on Arab platoons during the Six-Day War in 1967, averting suspicion by dressing in old, torn clothing to make herself “look shlumpy.”
ABrooklyn woman has opened Shleppy Sheitels, a boutique that sells deliberately unattractive wigs in keeping with the original purpose of the mandate for women’s head coverings.
"No pun intended," says proprietor Yetta Flutsky, "but we’re getting back to the roots -- the roots of the tradition for married Jewish women to wear a sheitel. And that's to walk modestly before the Almighty, and to avoid attracting the attention of men other than their husband."
Tripoli, Libya — Sen. Joseph I. Lieberman, now serving his final term in the United States Senate, has accepted an offer to serve as the new leader of Libya, the North African oil rich nation. The surprise announcement ended months of curious speculation about his career plans after announcing last year that he would not seek re-election.
The Israeli town of Beit Shemesh will hold a SlutWalk later this month.
Inspired by the series of demonstrations that have proliferated in North America in the past year, in which scantily clad women take to the streets to protest sexual violence and a “blame the victim” mentality, the Beit Shemesh organizers plan to reveal their necks and ankles, and are even considering wearing skirts and dresses that are not black.
Brooklyn—A new Jewish charter school plans to open here this September despite numerous community objections.
The school, formally known as The Nonsectarian, Egalitarian, All-Inclusive, Bipartisan, and Just a Little Bit Jewish Academy, has been nicknamed BJ, for Barely Jewish, and granted accreditation by the New York State Board of Regents.
