Special Sections

Israel’s North:

A region of opportunities

03/21/2011 - 20:00

With its rural landscape, rolling mountains and natural water sources, many people think of Israel’s north as a prime vacation spot. Yet the region is becoming increasingly popular as a place for Olim to call home. In 2008 Nefesh B’Nefesh launched an unprecedented pioneering initiative aimed at encouraging North American and British Olim to settle in the North of Israel and benefit from all the wonderful opportunities the region has to offer.


Purim Spoof 2011
03/14/2011 - 20:00

How I Met Your Mother – Sitcom filmed entirely on the steps of Cong. OZ on the Upper West Side after Sabbath services. Gentile crew.
House – Lovable, 75-year-old general practitioner insists on making house calls to his ailing patients and is expelled from the AMA, shunned by his fellow physicians and ends up attempting suicide by swallowing a bottle of placebos

At The Movies

Purim Spoof 2011
03/14/2011 - 20:00

The King's Peach – Achashverosh chooses Esther
The Social Not Work – Kollel guys join Facebook
Black Hat Swan – Yeshiva boy turns ballet dancer.
True Brit – Israel debates who is a Jew
Winter’s Shankbone – Pesach comes early
127 Hours – Shabbos ends late
The Kiddush Fighter – Congregant pushes
toward food table after services
The Kids Are All to the Right – Children
return from their gap year in Israel

In The Theaters

Purim Spoof 2011
03/14/2011 - 20:00

Adam’s Family – The first couple is evicted from Eden
American Yidiot – Jews with a goyishe kup
The Book of Maimon – Rambam
gets published
Chrain – Tribute to the rock band Gefilte Phish
Minyan-Man: Turn Off the Lights –
Life of a synagogue shammes
The Merchant of Venison –
Kosher butcher expands his stock
Driving Miss Raizy – Jewish woman
and her limousine
Minyan Dollar Quartet – Four collectors
on the shul circuit

Grandmother Detained At Airport

Purim Spoof 2011
03/14/2011 - 20:00

 New York — An elderly Jewish grandmother was detained at La Guardia Airport yesterday morning before finally being allowed to board her flight to Cleveland.

Security officials grew suspicious when an X-ray machine showed the 86-year-old woman was wearing extra-large underpants as she passed through the screening area at the terminal.

Fearing a possible underwear bomber, alert officials whisked the frail woman to a private room nearby, where she was wanded and frisked.

‘Jeopardy’ Computer Ordained

Purim Spoof 2011
03/14/2011 - 20:00

New York — Officials at JTS, Yeshiva University and HUC jointly announced today that they have granted rabbinical ordination — known in Hebrew as semicha — to Watson, the IBM computer that recently appeared on the television show “Jeopardy” and defeated two of the program’s smartest humans.

“This is definitely a first,” stated JTS president Arnie Iceman. “No other rabbinical school in America has ever ordained a computer. Now we’ve got Rabbi Watson.”

Elementary, Rabbi Watson: Genius computer knows all of Talmud in 70 languages; no clue on how to solve Agunah problem.

Israel To Market Flotilla Souvenirs

Purim Spoof 2011
03/14/2011 - 20:00

Jerusalem — Israel announced today that it has created a new cabinet level post, Minister of Hasbara, and that the new ministry will launch a major effort to capitalize on the worldwide publicity it received during the Turkish flotilla incident of May 2010.

Letz Sellit, former Israeli Trade Minister, announced that his new office had hired a Tel Aviv marketing firm to produce T-shirts, mugs, and other gift items with catchy slogans about the raid.

J Street Protests Purim; Claims Haman Was ‘Misunderstood’

Purim Spoof 2011
03/14/2011 - 20:00

Washington, D.C. — J Street, the pro-Israel, pro-peace, propane and pro-forma lobby, announced today that the observance of the ancient Jewish holiday of Purim only serves to further alienate Jews from their Iranian and Arab enemies who seek to destroy them.

“Jews should not be reveling in the deaths of Persians that took place thousands of years ago,” Jeremy (Uncle) Ben asserted.

“After all, how would Jews like it if Arabs reveled in their misfortunes?”

Sheen Explains Bad Behavior: ‘I Thought It Was Purim’

Purim Spoof 2011
03/14/2011 - 20:00

Charlie Sheen went on the Howard Stern radio show last week to once again attack the head honchos at CBS for canceling his show prematurely and to blame his wild and eccentric behavior on a “simple, small calendar error.”

He claimed his weekend binge was due to his thinking that Purim was on the 14th day of the First Adar when, in fact, it is a month later, in Adar II.

Sheen in shades: Claims he thought Purim started in Adar I; wants to know when Simchat Torah starts.
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