Special Sections

Filming Of ‘Tefillin On A Plane’ Wraps Up On Schedule

02/26/2010

Afact-based action drama about the perils of in-flight davening has completed initial filming and is expected to be released in time for a Rosh Hashanah release.

“We had to finish this week,” said director Shelly Rosh. “We had a binding contract.” 

Completing the project was difficult as the crew encountered budget problems. “We were really strapped for cash,” said Rosh.

Rabbi Avi Wizened Continues Title Search For Female Associate

02/26/2010

Riverdale, NY – Having switched the title of the woman who serves his congregation in a rabbinic role from Maharat to Rabba, spiritual leader Avi Wizened announced today that he is still not satisfied with the result, and has hired Vanna White of game show “Wheel Of Fortune” fame to help him find the right vowel to end the word “Rabb_.”

“Maybe it’s an `e’ or an `o’ or `u’,” the frustrated rabbi muttered. “Or it could be ‘sometimes `y’.”

Four Arrested At JCPA Debate On Civility

02/26/2010

 Ashoving match erupted at the Jewish Council for Public Affairs plenum last week when officials introduced a resolution for more civility in Jewish discourse. 

Opponents of the measure from the Jewish federation of Boise were arrested when they scuffled with three supporters of the resolution, who were from the Jewish Community Relations Council of Greater Spokane.

“Not quite what we had in mind,” said JCPA executive director and politeness consultant Rabbi Steve Goodshow. “But in a way it just reinforces the point.”

Mirthright Israel To Show Lighter SideOf Jewish State

02/26/2010

IIn a bid for American youth to take Israel less seriously, Birthright Israel has launched its first just-for-laughs trip to the Holy Land in time for Purim.

The Mirthright Israel tour will include a long stay at Moshav cHA cHA and a tour of both of Israel’s comedy clubs, one of which is not located at an army base.

Facilitated by Zany Zion Tours, the trip will also feature performances by leading Israeli comic Simcha Shpritz, best known for his imitation of his fellow countrymen trying to line up politely while waiting for a bus. 

Informant In Syrian Rabbi Case Can’t Stop Squealing

02/26/2010

 Heading into the trial of three Syrian rabbis accused of money laundering, the man who reportedly ratted them out has told authorities his own children cheated on the regents exam and his cleaning woman doesn’t pay taxes.

In an affidavit exclusively obtained by The Jewish Weak, Solomon Drek also said his kiddush club president has been filling up empty 18-year-old Scotch bottles with cheaper 12-year-old single malt and pocketing the difference.

YU Prez Bans Male Study Partners

02/26/2010

 Under intense pressure from his rabbinic faculty after sponsoring a controversial forum on gay issues, Yeshiva University President Richard Jello announced today that he is initiating a new policy for the Beis Medresh, or study hall.

Kotel Schnorrer Pleased With Portfolio Rebound

02/26/2010

 In March of 2007, after nearly 40 years of schnorring at the Kotel plaza, Yonky “Gelt Schmeller” Pakolovich was ready to retire.  At 61 he felt it was time to pack in his pushka  and spend some quality time with his 18 children and 411 grandchildren.  Unfortunately, the financial crisis hit and Yonky’s plans came to a crashing halt.

Jews Still Can’t Find J Street In Washington

02/26/2010

After almost two years of existence, J Street, a left-wing political peace movement, still cannot be found on any pro-Israel map of Washington, D.C. Google maps and GPS are equally unable to identify the controversial lobby. “I’m sorry I don’t think there is a J street in D.C.,” said a confused Zionist tourist checking his map again.

“Did you say it was pro-Israel? Nope, I got nothing here.” Map officials say that J Street can be found on pro-Palestinian maps of Washington, though.

Tiger Woods: “Bogey Man Loves His Niblick’

02/23/2010

The highest-paid professional athlete in 2008, having earned an estimated $110 million from winnings and endorsements, explained the secret to his golf success as well as his subsequent loss of endorsements, family, and reputation with one word: Putts.

“It’s the secret to everything I’ve become,” admitted Woods. “And believe me, it takes one to know one.”

Winter Olympics Of Rabbinic Scandals Held In Vancouver; Rabbis Held In Contempt

02/23/2010

Alone won the overall individual competition, scoring highest in Most Shocking and Disturbing Revelation of the Year – in his case for alleged abuse of boys.

Dozens of lesser-known rabbis in the US, Canada and Israel tied for second in the fiercely contested category.

Rabbi Booshaw N. Chleemaw, chairman of the inaugural games, explained that he and his colleagues around the world felt that rabbinic scandals had become “so pervasive, sophisticated and significant” in recent years that they 

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