Mideast Negotiator Mitchell Heads For Broadway
Tue, 03/15/2011
More flying for Mideast negotiator.
More flying for Mideast negotiator.

New York — In a surprise move that has Broadway and Washington abuzz, U.S. negotiator to the Mideast George Mitchell has been tapped by the new director of the troubled Broadway show, “Spider Man: Turn Off The Lights,” to play the lead role in previews for the next five years.

Mitchell said he has been acting for years, pretending his shuttling diplomacy between Israeli and Palestinian negotiators was making progress.

And as for the dangers of the role, he scoffed: “I’ve been a high-wire act, flying around constantly for so long, it should be a breeze for me.

“And based on the reviews so far, and the predictions, this should be just another expensive disaster.”

In another shakeup, Hosni Mubarak says he will come out of his Egyptian retirement to become governor of Wisconsin, vowing to “solve the teachers union issue the day I arrive.”

The former Egyptian president, who said he was bored at home counting his money, is expected to bring his elite security guards with him, and asserted that “no women will be allowed to teach — it is not modest — and anyone who has any questions about my policies can run against me” in the next gubernatorial election, now scheduled for November 2097, Mubarak said.

Wisconsin governor Scott Walker, who sought to break the union, will move to Cairo — “isn’t that in Illinois?” he asked aides — and attempt to sell a surplus of his home state’s popular “Honk If You Love Cheeses” bumper stickers to speeding drivers.