In This Issue:
Wed, 03/07/2012

ISRAELIS SKEPTICAL ON OBAMA
‘He’s got our back, but what about our front?’

EXCLUSIVE: SANTORUM TO NAME SNL ‘CHURCH LADY’ AS RUNNING MATE
Dana Carvey character will focus on ‘naughty parts’ and ask:‘Isn’t that …SPECIAL?’

BEIT SHEMESH RABBIS PUBLISH ‘HALACHAS OF SPITTING’
800-page volume targets pre-teen ‘sluts’ on way to yeshiva.

IRAN SEEKING NUKE SCIENTISTS
Great pay for short-term job; excellent funeral plan.

JEWISH CANINE CHAMP AT GARDEN
Alte cocker spaniel takes first place at Westminster Dog Show

SAME-SEX MARRIAGE SPOUSE SUES
Complains‘it’s the same sex every time!’

SOUTH AFRICAN KOSHER CATERER ACCUSED OF APARTHEID
Found separating meat and milk in synagogue kitchen.

MVP RYAN BRAUN TESTS POSITIVE FOR PORK
Banned from shul for three months. 

ADELSON BUYS WHITE HOUSE; EVICTS OBAMAS
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue soon to be ‘Newt and Improved Casino’.

NEW DOUBTS ABOUT EX-SATMAR MOM
Tell-all ‘Unorthodox’ author Deborah Feldmen seen lighting Shabbos candles.

MATISYAHU SIGNS NORELCO DEAL
Singer to shave every Friday afternoon on live TV,

‘OCCUPY OCCUPATION’ LAUNCHED IN ISRAEL
Even participants confused by movement meaning; buttons say ‘We are the 99 percent…but for you 85.’.

EX-CANDIDATE HERMAN CHRAIN SELLING HORSERADISH
Ad campaign: `Add spice to your Godfather’s pizza, and your girlfriend’s, too”.

JEWISH GROUPS STRIKE BACK AT MORMONS
Plan posthumous circumcisions on millions of souls.