In a desperate move to reduce yeshiva tuitions, a blue-and-white ribbon panel has announced that all courses will be cut in half.

The new curriculum calls for studying the Five Commandments, the 306.5 mitzvot, the 2.5 Books of Moses and the 3 books of Mishnah.

Festival observance will consist of 4 days of Pesach and Sukkot, 1 day Shavuot and Rosh Hashanah, half day Yom Kippur and 24.5 days of sefirah and of course four days of Chanukah.”  These Draconian moves are expected to cause a stir in the Orthodox community but Conservative and Reform reaction was “Great!  What else is new?”