The good news is there is a man in the picture.
And the bad news?
There's a man in the picture!
Which is another way of saying, Help!
Or rather, much like my good friend Paul Simon, when something goes wrong, I'm the first to admit it. But when something goes right? It's apt to confuse me, it's such an unusual sight. Ooooh, I can't get used to something so right…
Which is another way of saying, why, after such a lovely date, is my head so heavy with worry? Why am I'm unable to sleep?
Perhaps I should start at the beginning.
Ok, In the beginning, I was hurt in love.
No, no. Not that beginning.
What I meant to say is, in the beginning, I met someone. We connected. And then he told me he was dating someone else. And so I was sad. But then he came back to me and so we went out again. And again, it was quite lovely.
So why, after he bid me adieu after our date and I sent him a thank you text did he not write me back until the next day? He's definitely ambivalent, I told myself. An interested man would write right back!
And yet, when we chatted the next day he set me straight.
"Did you hear what I said?" he asked.
I had not. I was too busy prattling on.
"I said I had a really nice time with you. The whole ride home I was happy. My stomach was happy from a nice dinner, I was happy from our conversation and a sweet kiss."
And then he explained the text message. He didn't get it until he was already home and by then it was really late. "I didn't want to wake you so I wrote you back the next day. You got that note, right?"
Got it? I analyzed it with my girlfriends at work.
"He did not include a question so don't respond!" said one.
Another told me to wait – "Don’t be too eager" – but a few hours later to send him back a smiley face.
The whole thing made my head hurt even more. All of this nonsense over a text message!
But my girlfriends cannot stop.
"You need to relax! Stop worrying! Just take everything in stride!"
"Play hard to get!"
"Let him chase you. Never call him! When he asks you out, say you're busy. When he texts, wait at least an hour to respond."
"Make sure he knows other men want you. He will only be interested if he has to fight for you!"
And the kicker: "Don't let him know how excited you are."
But I've already told him!
No, no, no, they nod their heads in dismay. It seems I am a hopeless case.
"And when do I stop playing hard to get?" I asked.
"When you're married!" they all say at once.
Did I mention this is giving me a head ache?
I mean, how do I even know if I want to marry this guy if I don't even know him? And how can I get to know him if I can't be myself, feeling free to get in touch when I want to get in touch? And why can't I say yes when he asks me out because I do want to see him? And why can't I show him that I am excited to see him because I am excited?
The whole thing makes no sense to me.
Which is all another way of saying, time to book myself a one-way ticket to Tahiti.
The sooner I can get there, the better!