Share Your Interfaith Dating Stories With Me!
11/11/2010 - 17:12
Anonymous

Perhaps it’s just because I have trouble with decisions and uncertainty, but my own experience was that inter-dating my now-husband Joe was much more stressful than being intermarried to him (not that our marriage is particularly stressful).

The issue for me was that, while my entire family has been nothing but thrilled with Joe from Day 1, I spent much of our courtship worrying that my more traditional Jewish friends and the Jewish people with whom I worked would disapprove of me and would try to persuade us to break up.

 

Only one person (a Jewish guy who, perhaps was a potential suitor?) actually did try to talk me out of dating Joe. But I nonetheless felt very self-conscious about our relationship, no doubt in large part because of my own uncertainty/ambivalence about whether our marriage would stand in the way of me pursuing my Jewish interests.

However, I felt a palpable relief, once we were actually married, both because the decision had been made and because I knew that only the most rabidly anti-intermarriage folks would actually wish to see us divorce.

I’m curious, especially given the ongoing debate (see my last post) in the Jewish community about whether it is possible to welcome interfaith families while at the same time encouraging in-marriage (ie. discouraging intermarriage), what other people’s experiences have been while interdating.

I know for many intermarrieds/interdaters, interfaith issues have not been a source of conflict at all, but for those of you for whom it has, I’d love to hear from you. And I’m interested in hearing not just from people (Jewish and non-Jewish) who are now intermarried, but from people who have been in interfaith relationships, even if they didn’t end up getting married.

Journalistic integrity prevents me from “incentivizing” (ie. bribing) you with gift cards and the like, but I can offer you a chance at fame: your name (if you want it and if I end up using your comments in the article) in a printed edition of The New York Jewish Week. And not just any printed edition, but “Directions,” our annual glossy magazine supplement!

Please e-mail your thoughts to Julie.inthemix@gmail.com and let me know if you’d like to be interviewed. ALSO, if you know of other people who might like to share their experiences, please send them my way and tell them about In the Mix.

Woo hoo! I’ve blogged twice in one day!

Don’t forget to “like” In the Mix on Facebook!

 

Comments

Wow, what a mess I am in. However, thus far it is not so bad. I grew up with a secular Jewish dad and a religious Catholic mother. I was raised Catholic. About 6 years ago, I underwent conversion to Judaism. I still truly feel Jewish and love Judaism.
I am older and have no kids. I dated a Jewish guy for over a year and it came time for marriage proposals I just couldn't seal the deal. I was still in love with an old boyfriend who isn't Jewish. So while head said yes to the proposal, my heart said no.
My old boyfriend and I got back together, but he really couldn't understand why I stopped dating him over religion. He still doesn't completely trust me and feels I might dump him for a Jewish guy.
My Jewish friends talked me out of our relationship originally. I was going through the process of conversion when we got together in the first place. It was just bad timing.
I don't think now that our interfaith relationship will cause any huge problems. We are both at an age where it is just too late for kids, so there were be no issues over raising children. This to me is the biggest obligation, as when I converted, I did promise to do that.
I still go to synagogue and study for adult bat mitzvah, my boyfriend isn't really religious so it doesn't seem to bother him. Deep down I still feel a little bit guilty. I have yet to reveal any of this to my Jewish friends. They just know I broke up with my Jewish boyfriend.
I don't ever see me not being Jewish and I don't ever see him converting, so for now we are just doing our own thing. It does get lonely on Shabbat and on holidays. I am lucky that my synagogue had plenty of activities for the Jewish holidays. It is just a shame that he will probably never feel comfortable coming to any of them. It doesn't help he came from a traditional southern family. They are the ultimate WASP's.

http://www.metro.us/newyork/local/article/715783--interfaith-couples-finesse-the-holidays

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