The Younger the Better, Eh Gentlemen??
08/25/2010 - 11:41

Can we talk a moment about men and that little thing called, “age discrimination?"

As in, the way so many single men seem to only want young women.

Notice I am only accusing “many” not “all” men. Which is another way of saying, all men. Or almost all men. Or most of the men out there except for the exceptions, of course.

Take the matchmaker I ran into the other day who told me she just stopped trying to help the men over the age of 50 who write in all-caps on their profiles, “Dear matchmakers: Don’t even bother setting me up with a woman over the age of 30. I am not interested. And there is no wiggle room here.”

“And they are balding, and overweight and don’t have good jobs,” she added in such a way that were it translated into a foreign language its subtitle would read, “Are they on crack?”

Instead she said, “What 25-year-old is going to want to go out with them?”

I know, I know, they want children. Well, I have news for these men: Many women in their upper 30s and 40s want children, too. And there are lots of ways to have children in today’s world, too, besides natural child birth. (Not that these particular men seem like such prizes.)

Or what of the men over the age of 50 who keep contacting me on Jdate (or did, back when I was still Jdating) who make it very clear that they don’t want more children. So why are they emailing me? Why not email a woman their own age?

Now I’m not saying single women are always beyond reproach. I’ve pointed out many times that women, even the shortest of the bunch, are very cruel about a little thing called height. Which is another way of saying, they always want a tall man.

I don’t get it, but I also happen to have a soft spot for small but mighty men. Especially in a nice pair of frames.

My point? Women can be short-sighted, too. And shallow. But in the scheme of things it seems that women are more generous when it comes to being open to a man. While it also seems to me that the older a man gets, the more ungenerous he is. And also the more unrealistic.

Which leads me back to my original question, namely, Why does a man over the age of 30 insist on a 20-year-old model?

I could not figure this out for the life of me. Especially if the man in question did not seem to offer similar superficial virtues, such as good looks or wealth. So where do they come off?

Recently, I seized upon a possible explanation in a relationship book. The author, who is a therapist, says that an older man who is so unrealistic in his expectations for a mate does so because he is desperate.

In other words, the farther away from couplehood he gets, the more of a pipe dream it seems and so therefore his requirements become more and more stringent and frankly, ridiculous.

Which is another way of saying, if you’re never gonna meet someone, why not make that out of reach woman Bar Raphaeli?

Unless someone else has another explanation?

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I find the tone of this article and ensuing commentary to be offensively narrow minded. True, in the world of online dating the specifications become more narrow and ridiculous, but it is, after all, just online dating, which we all know, simply sucks. However, I will hold up several examples in my own family-one cousin (Israeli) and one cousin American, both male, both late 30s/early 40s married women their very own age. They are both very attractive males, which I feel odd saying bc they're relatives of mine, but seriously above average. A friend of mine met the love of her life in her late 40s, my 60 year old cousin gets many dates from online (granted not the highest quality.) My only explanation is that insecure guys need the validation of the trophy, bc I have seen that bizarre inverse correlation of unattractive males expecting exceptionally attractive women. I do have to say to all of the above, please you're depressing me! And yes, in the world of the online you're going to encounter defensive, suspicious and socially mediocre types-just find other techniques to meet people, if the online world is so subpar.
" But in the scheme of things it seems that women are more generous when it comes to being open to a man. While it also seems to me that the older a man gets, the more ungenerous he is. And also the more unrealistic." Boy, if the rabbis of the Talmud said something like that, they would get attacked for sexism -- oh, they did "Tov LeMetav Tando Me'LeMetav Armalu" which roughly translates, "[a woman prefers] to dwell as two than to live as a single" and therefore they expect that women are more likely to accept men despite the blemishes than men are vis-a-vis women. Imagine that, and they don't even get a blog!
Commenting on your blog might become a habit for me...if it does, please excuse me! I just feel impelled to speak for my male bretheren, of all ages and ethnic / religious backgrounds by saying...most men are whiny...and lazy...and selfish...AND because of all this, unrealistic. I believe this male mindset comes from parental and societal conditioning. Men come first, men decide, men lead, men blah, blah, blah...this conditioning morphs into a grandiose idea of entitlement and effects everything, especially how a man approaches a relationship with a woman. With this kind of mindset its always on his terms. Now that seems like a heavy judgment in the negative. Trust me, I've come to this statement through an objective perspective. I just love women and am dissapointed to see so many other men, of ALL ages carrying around this boyhood sense of entitlement into adulthood which as a consequence, seems to affect womens' perception of men the world over. It says alot when (at least in the U.S. tri-state area) the only men who care about their physical appearence are gay men. It says even more when for a time being, straight men were taking tips from gay men on how to "be" attractive in a woman's eyes (anyone remember Queer Eye for the Straight Guy?). It says to me that most men are disengaged when it comes to actual communication with women. It says to me most men are unwilling to communicate with women... ...OK, I'll cut my rant off right here. Thanks!