When it Comes to Love, How Important Are Credentials?
10/20/2010 - 15:46

I’m a sucker for a good, old fashioned egghead.

You know, the kind of man who would never play the romantic lead in the movies, on account of the fact that he is too lanky and bespectacled and introverted.

I’m talking about the same man who would instill anger and animosity in the hearts of the American public for being “elitist” and “intellectual” and “arrogant” as opposed to someone warm hearted and for the people like (perish the thought!) a certain George W. Bush or (perish that thought again!) Sarah Palin.

But I digress.

What I’m saying here, people, is that I’m drawn to a man not by his heart, but by the books on his shelf. And by his academic degrees. And by a job that says, “I’m a serious and important man in this world.”

Oh, and if he’s also the eldest son?


“So how’s that working out for you?” as a friend of mine always asks.

Which is another way of saying, not so good, thank you very clutch.

Which begs the question: If the type of men that make me swoon is not a good fit for me then should I change my type? Or have these particular scholarly sorts just not been right for me, while others might be a better?

What I’m getting at is do I give the baker who tracked me down on Jdate and who seems to quite like me a chance? Sure, instead of getting a bachelor's degree (or even better, a master's!) he worked as a car salesman and an acupuncturist and a whole lotta other jobs, but is that necessarily so wrong?

In short: Do I say no to a man who seems genuinely kind and smart and who seems to like me? Even if he is not on the "career path" I had in mind.

Or do I hold out for someone who seems both kind and degreed?

Which is another way of saying, why does it have to be so extreme?

Or why does everything that seems right end up so wrong? Which might mean what seems wrong is right?

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What happened with the cab driver's son?
Thanks, Elana, for taking the time to post this. It is good advice. It is hard to see past all the other stuff to even get to the "love" part but I will try!
Can make a perhaps obvious suggestion and say that there is no man out there who 'has it all'? No matter who you end up with, there will be some things that you share and some things you don't, some things that make you swoon and others that are missing. In every single couple in the world, as in every single friendship in the world, there are different connecting fibers. What i love about one relationship is not what i love about another. So i would try and let go of the idea of finding a guy who has ALL those things. Find a guy with whom you share lots and lots of great things, whatever they are. Make sure that the things you DO share are meaningful. And whatever you don't share, well, you have other friendships and outlets for those things, and that's OKAY. The guy doesn't have to be EVERYTHING. You just have to love him. That's it. Just love.... elana