Says the Single Gal to her Married Friends: Just Say No to Fairy Tales!
06/30/2010 - 10:52
Anonymous

Day Two of my Dating Sabbatical and I’m having a rough go of it.

No checking Jdate, I tell myself, sitting on my hands.

No emailing the friend of a friend of a friend to introduce me to a guy someone once mentioned she wanted me to meet - but never followed up on.

Just sit back and be! I counsel. Breathe! 

You breathe, loser! I snap back.

That’s not very nice, I say in a soft and forgiving voice.

You’re fat! I retort, hitting where it counts.

Which is another way of saying, I am not very good at this relinquishing control business.

But I am preserving, nonetheless, if only because my soul is tired.  And also because I have been building up an arsenal of anger, which is just a time bomb waiting to go off.  And because I am spinning my wheels.

But none of this means that I under the illusion that this break itself will hasten the coming of my bridegroom.

Tell that to two of my Facebook girlfriends, both married, who, in response to my earlier blog about my dating sabbatical, had the following conversation on my wall:

Friend #1: I was on a strike when HUSBAND and I got together

Friend #2: Same thing happened to me...I met HUSBAND about ten days after I said I was never going to date again...my sisters all said it happened to them as well!

Friend #1: I don't know so much. While it is obviously pathetic, guys always like the "chase." If you are truly not interested in dating, they sense it or something. And even if they don't, if you spend time & energy doing things that you like, you will be better off for it. I can't tell you how many 1st dates I had been on (I never needed a 2nd date outfit) before I went on strike. It was a huge waste of time...

Friend #2: Someone needs to do a study of how many women met their future husbands right after "taking the vow" as we called it...

Friend #1: No kidding! I bet it happened that way for a lot of us...

With all due respect to my Facebook friends whom I like very much, I do not agree with them.

Luck is what brought their spouses to them. Or the universe. Or G-d.  

But not the “break.” 

I mean, someone should do a study on all the women who did take a dating break and still did not meet a spouse.  Which is another way of saying, there is probably a correlation between being happier and healthier and more whole and being open to love.  But that does not mean that there is one magic formula that will bring about a life partner. 

Not a break or deciding to have a baby on one’s own or even having a meaningful life. 

So please, people. 

I know your intentions are good. But it’s just misleading. And false. 

There is no one recipe for finding a partner. If there were, there would not be so many single people out there.

So like I always say, save the Cinderella stories for the little ones.  Because the world – at least the world as I know it – is no fairy tale.

 

Comments

Was engaged, broke the engagement. 3 weeks later visited a friend in a community that was hosting a single's Shabbat, expecting to meet wonderful and interesting women, but with no expectation of meeting a potential spouse. Met a guy and married him 7 months later.

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