There's nothing like the Days of Awe to stir up the love memories.
Which is another way of saying, the love mishaps.
So is it my fault that as soon as Rosh Hashannah let out, I found myself emailing two gentlemen from my immediate past who, according to my watch, both owed me some serious apologies?
I know, I know. I'm the one who is supposed to be sending out the apology notes. I'm the one who is supposed to be beating my chest, looking inward, and changing my evil ways.
But where is it written that deep introspection and finger pointing are mutually exclusive? Which is another way of saying, these gents should thank me for giving them a chance to come clean!
Interestingly enough, they both wrote me back post haste. And while they both started out by saying that what happened is "water under the bridge" - maybe to them, that is – they both apologized.
One fellow managed to misspell my name. Which is another way of saying, suddenly I'm "Abbie," even though he seemed to know how to spell my name correctly when we dated.
He also implied that I was being a bit cuckoo for dredging up yesterday’s news.
All I wanted was some nicey-nice and an apology. Which is exactly what he did, even if he was a bit defensive about it.
The other fellow actually told me that he thought of me when he threw a piece of bread into the water for tashlich, which was another way of saying, he felt bad. But not bad enough - or not strong enough - to actually tell me himself.
His apology was genuine and heartfelt.
So what did I want from these guys in the first place?
I suppose that how we treat others counts.
After all, isn't that what all of these Days of Awe are all about? Not just introspection and the recognition of our human failings, but an acknowledgment that we have the power to affect others. For better or for worse.
And if it comes down to the “worst,” all I’m asking is for a little recognition.
As my friend, Leonard Cohen says, "If I, if I have been unkind, I hope that you can just let it go by."
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