Another Potential Boyfriend - Down the Drain!
11/24/2010 - 11:02

“You just met someone!” the woman said to me with the kind omniscience only possible in dreams.

I told her I had. I was excited!

“Well, he is going to make you sad!” she said.

I tried arguing with her but how much can you argue with someone in your dream?

When I woke up I wondered if my dream was prescient. I hoped not. After all, I had just had a really lovely date with someone. It even ended with a sweet kiss. So how was he going to make me sad?

Here’s how.

A week later, he told me that he was dating someone else.

“Listen,” he said. “I like you. You’re very sweet and pretty and interesting, but around the same time I met you, I met someone else, and. So. I have decided to pursue things with her.”


I got off the phone quickly because he caught me off guard.

But later, because I can never leave anything alone, I texted him. I thanked him for being honest but told him I was bummed because I was excited about him.

“I was excited about you, too!” he wrote back. He then reiterated all of my illustrious qualities, how sexy and smart and sweet and interesting I am.

So if I am all of those things and more, why is he walking away from me?

Because he decided he had to make a decision, it seems, mostly because it was unfair to me. (True!) And that he hopes he will not be missing out.

He ended by sending me a “big kiss.”

I took it hard.

For a few days afterwards I was pretty weepy. I couldn’t sleep.

I kept running different scenarios through my mind and like my good friend, Law & Order’s Detective Lennie Briscoe, tried to piece the story together. According to Jdate’s “Big Brother” system, he was online Saturday. We went out Friday. So did he kiss me Friday night, go back on Jdate on Saturday to find someone just a wee bit better than moi - and then, just to cover all his bases, call me on Saturday to tell me he enjoyed our date in case it turned out that “Ms. Wee Bit Better” wasn’t really any better?

And when he said he was visiting a female “friend” that Saturday night, was the friend “Ms. Better” who happens to live much closer to him? And perhaps was just a wee bit better than me?

Which is all another way of saying, my head was spinning.

It felt so disproportionate. I mean, we had only met once! We had only talked on the phone a few times.

And yet. I liked the guy, I really did. And also: I am ready. I am tired of going on a ton of dates. I just want to give my full attention to one deserving man.

Beyond that, I did feel played. While I recognize that he did come clean after a mere week instead of really stringing me along, still, I felt betrayed. He knew he was pursuing two women at once. Why do that at all?

The culprit, everyone seems to agree, is Jdate, which encourages people to date many people at once, to keep shopping around for better options.

But how else am I supposed to meet men?

If I say goodbye to Jdate, I will never have any dates.

But if I keep it up, I will have a nervous breakdown.

What to do?


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You nailed it re: the problem with online dating. It gives you the illusion of perceived options, when in reality, when you actually get out from behind your laptop, there are very very few. That guy (imho) isn't seriously seeing someone else... he just can't deal with going to date 2, step 2, or whatever... because it might lead to step marriage and then the baby carriage. They think they want it (that's why they get online, and so they can tell their Jewish mothers that they are indeed trying), but when it becomes a reality, they flee. I just wrote a post about this phenomenon in NYC. Is it LA too? I heard J-Date was better in LA, no? Oy Vey date! Cougel (the Jewish Cougar) *Here's the post about NYC dating: